Here it is, graduation season once again. It is a time for celebration and reflection. Here is a piece I wrote a few years ago about how precious and fleeting our lives are. I pray it is a blessing to you. 

***

This moment contains all moments. 

                        ― C.S. Lewis

The other day I taught my final Senior Seminar class of the semester. With the end of the school year in sight it is interesting to hear college students say things like, “I can’t believe that my student teaching experience is almost over,” or “I can’t believe that I am graduating in just a few days. It went so fast." 

It went so fast? Really?

Student teaching generally comes at the end of an Education Major’s college experience and is sixteen grueling weeks of early mornings and late nights, scores of assignments and hundreds of lesson plans. It is the culmination of the four-year experience that is known as college.

Four years . . . and it went so fast?

Completing student teaching and graduating from college are significant occasions in life, hurdles to clear and milestones to achieve. They represent those challenges in life that exist as big, scary, anxiety-laden question marks, that in the moment, we just want to “get through” or “be done with.” But then suddenly, much to our surprise, they are . . . done.

When the goal is achieved and the challenge is behind us, we are left with the experience, the fun, the friendships, the memories—and the sense that it all went so fast.

It is times like these that resonate with the psalmist’s ominous words, “Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!” (Ps. 39:5, ESV)

A mere breath? Is there really such a thing? A breath is a small, brief and passing event―but oh so important.

Google says that the average person takes 24,000 breaths per day.  That is a lot of breaths, surely more than enough, you would think. But try holding your breath for a minute and you soon realize that every breath counts.

Breaths happen quickly, numerously, and without notice. But the brief second that a breath takes does not lessen its value or importance.

Much like breaths in the midst of breathing, the moments of life, albeit meaningful, slip away subtly, silently and unnoticed. Our adventures, struggles, experiences, emotions and relationships are nuanced through things like perspective and hindsight and then meld and morph into a nostalgic longing we refer to as, “the good old days.”

It's ironic, but even the young long for the good old days. Andy, from The Office, says it well,

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Regardless of whether it happened last month, last year, or a decade ago—as we reflect back on those good old days, we find ourselves saying of life, “It went so fast.”

It is here that we experience a mix of melancholy and regret—a feeling that something significant happened and yet, we missed it.

But we didn’t miss it, we lived it. Or did we?

This quandary leads me to the prayer of Moses in Psalm 90. In vs. 10 he reflects back on his life and says,

The length of our days is seventy years—or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

His words are startling. Moses spent forty years shepherding goats in anonymity and then another forty years wandering the desert with God’s people. Over his 120 year life span, he was a prince, a leader, a prophet and a deliverer. He was married, had children and grandchildren, took a stand against evil, stood on Holy ground, and walked and talked with God.

Moses lived a long, full and storied life, and yet we find him looking back with a sigh saying, “Wow, it went so fast.”

If he felt that way, what hope do we have?

Two verses later (vs. 12), we find in Moses’ prayer the answer to this dilemma,

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

What does it mean to “gain a heart of wisdom”?

Wisdom comes from God. It is the good, helpful, guiding, life-giving way to act, think and live. It is God’s mind and the Holy Spirit’s prompting in our being and doing. It’s the way to live well, appreciate what matters most and take nothing for granted—not even a single breath.

Maybe gaining a “heart of wisdom” is liken to knowing you are in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.

So how do we gain this heart of wisdom?

Moses prayed, “Teach us to number our days aright”.

To “number our days” is to recognize the immense value in the current moment. Upon this writing, the calendar tells me that today’s date is Wednesday, May 2, 2018. This date on the calendar is so much more than a number. There has never been a May 2, 2018, and there never will be again. Yesterday (the past) is gone and there is no guarantee of tomorrow (the future).  Today (the present) is all each of us have, and another word for present, is gift.

Each day is a gift.

God holds the gift of a day in high esteem. So much so that He initiates each one with hope, forgiveness and love. His mercies are new every morning and are as breathtaking and life-giving as a sunrise.

God gives us sustenance for each day’s journey. He feeds our body and soul with “daily” bread—with Jesus, who is our “hidden manna” (Rev. 2:17). And as we journey, God goes with us. On the path of life, we are to rely upon God and the Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in us, as we live every minute of the day.

David Roper says, “Time flies and so do we.” This is a hard truth that should cause us to live mindfully and carefully.

To “number our days aright” is to live them well and with purpose, and that begins with loving God and loving those around us. When we do this we can savor those moments, relationships and experiences that fly by so quickly.

Days and breaths are too numerous to count, but both are so important. Don't wish them away or waste them. Number them aright, not by counting them, but rather, by making them count.

For you can be sure that the day, the event, the challenge, the goal, the dream, and even the four-year college experience, will be over and done with before you know it, and you will find yourself saying,

“I can’t believe that I am graduating in just a few days. It went so fast.”

Every day is a messenger from God.

            — Russian Proverb

I met an angel today.

The early morning air was crisp, the sun radiant, the colors vivid and the path frozen. I was on my mountain bike—first time on the trails this season and it was great. I was crawling up the hills, flying down the slopes and feeling God’s pleasure. Thankful.

As I ground my way up another incline I was smiling, sweating, panting, talking to myself, praying to Jesus, and thinking about the heroes of the faith like Enoch, Noah, Moses, David, Mary, Peter, and the Apostle Paul. They all walked with God, and I want to walk with God too. With each push of the pedal my mind and heart whirled . . . Am I walking with you God? I want to. I’m trying to, but am I? How can I walk with you?

And then it happened, I met an angel, a messenger from God.

I was chugging around a sharp corner near the top of yet another glorious hill when I encountered a very large man (I mean NFL linebacker large) wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt with the words BLESSED MAN emblazoned across the front in fluorescent green lettering. He was tromping down the hill, I was gasping up the hill, and as we squeezed past one another he said in a loud voice, “Keep it up!”

And that was it. I heard from God.

At the angelic exhortation, “Keep it up!” my mind went to Paul’s words in Philippians 3:13-14:

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

My goal is to walk with God. I am reading the Scriptures daily, praying constantly, guarding my heart, leaning into loving others and obeying the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and in the words, “keep it up!” I clearly heard Jesus say, “press on” in your walk with God.

And then there were those words, BLESSED MAN, which led me to Psalm 1 where it says, “Blessed is the man who walks . . . [and delights] in the law of the Lord” (NKJV). The “law of the Lord” is the Word of God and in John 1 it says that “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” The Word of God is Jesus! And my question, "How can I walk with you?" was answered, “Blessed is the man … whose delight is in Jesus.”

I met an angel on the trail today and I heard from God.

It was a great ride and a beautiful morning—the blue sky majestic, the snow-capped mountains brilliant, and the rustic sagebrush soothing, but of all the sights I saw this morning the one that stands out the most is fluorescent green.

I am reading a book that challenged me to write about my earliest memories of reading and about the influence that reading has had in my life. So I did. Here is what I came up with:

Reading is a gift.

Reading was something that I was naturally good at. As a kid I wasn’t very good at sports and my handwriting was atrocious, but I could read, and I read well at an early age. My earliest “reading” memory takes me back to Ferg’s Barber Shop in Jerome, Idaho where I see myself standing in a barber chair (as a five-year-old) reading the daily paper out loud to a chuckling barber and a crowd of grinning old men who were more interested in “chewing the cud” than getting a haircut. The host of this show was my grandad. He had been boasting to the men in the shop that I could read as well any of them and they scoffingly urged him to prove it. Thus, there I stood, reading aloud the local rag when I should have been having my “ears lowered.” I liked being good at reading (and making my Grandad proud).

My next reading memory involves comic books, especially Spider-Man comics. In my early elementary school years I would accompany my mother to the Smith’s Food King grocery store, and while she bought the groceries for the week, I would camp out at the comic book rack. As my mom shopped, I sat on the floor and devoured as many comic books as possible: Batman, Superman, Dennis the Menace, The Fantastic Four, . . . you name it, but I never even glanced at the new Spider-Man comic. I left it on the rack, untouched, until I saw my mom wheel her overloaded grocery cart into the checkout lane. Each week I was allowed to buy “one” comic book (they were 35 cents each), and my purchase choice was always Spider-Man. In the car, on the way home from the store, I savored my new Spider-Man comic book . . . I read it over and over again, every day, until the next trip to Smith’s Food King. (I have a box of Spider-Man comic books in my garage today. Now, 40 years later, I suspect they are worth a bit more than 35 cents a piece. . . . They’re not for sale.)

In fifth grade I fell in love with reading. It was a weird year and great year. I started fifth grade with one teacher and ended the year with another. My first teacher passed away (she was elderly, at least in my 10-year-old mind) and at mid-year we got a new teacher, her name was Miss Dillon. She was a first-year teacher, young, beautiful, vivacious, fun, (did I mention beautiful?) and she loved reading. My first teacher (the one that passed away) didn’t read aloud to us (we were "too old for that”) but Miss Dillon was so enthusiastic about reading that she wanted to read aloud to us. She started off by reading to us one of her favorite books, The Hobbit. Need I say more? From that point on you could never find a Tolkien book on the shelf of the school library, they were always checked out. And I was hooked. I broadened my reading from comics to include books like Old Yeller, The Lord of the Rings, Where the Red Fern Grows and The Iceberg Hermit, to name a few. In fifth grade I fell in love with reading (and Miss Dillon).

I am an avid reader today. I read for pleasure, for fun, for information, for work (I’m a teacher and I read aloud to my fifth-graders) and I read to grow in my faith and walk with Jesus Christ. I have read hundreds of books that God has used as a means of growth and grace in my life. I read the Bible every day. Wow, it is so good. The Bible is God’s word to us today. It speaks of God’s goodness, His promises, His glory and His love for all the world. Reading the Bible helps me to gain wisdom and understanding, and reading God’s Word helps me to grow in my faith and draw closer to God.

Reading is a gift (many thanks to Grandad, Mom, Miss Dillon and most of all, God).

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights. (James 1:17, ESV)

Happy Thanksgiving. It is a weird one, a tough one, and for many-a tearful one.

For us rule followers, we are not gathering with others today. The virus is raging, the hospital beds are full and the powers that be (medical and otherwise) strongly recommend that people stay home.

However, many in the USA aren’t. (See this story headline from BBC News: Coronavirus: Millions travel for Thanksgiving despite warnings)

The turkey is stuffed, the airports are jammed, the roads are full, the homes will be packed . . . and the virus will spread.

Even now, my eyes brim with tears as my heart longs to be “with” those I love. But for now, Facetime and phone calls will do. This virus won’t last. We will gather together again someday and I want to do what I can to ensure that all of us are together then—crying tears of joy.  

Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God’s lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God’s blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears. (Hebrews 12:17, MSG)

Happy Thanksgiving, tears or no tears. 

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. (James 5:13, NIV)

Is anyone among you in trouble? . . . I was.
Last month I had my yearly physical and it reminded me of my medical check-up a year ago (2019). At that time I was in trouble. I felt horrible and every day was getting worse. All my self-help efforts (better diet, more sleep, vitamins, more carbs, more protein, lots of water, … you name it) were futile. My brain wasn’t working (I was getting lost while driving), and my body wasn’t working (at one point I couldn’t walk)—I was sick.

My family physician ordered tests, made referrals and the gauntlet began. The doctors had no idea what the problem was, and I had no idea what lay ahead. It was a struggle, concern, frustration, inconvenience, and strangely, something that I initially left God out of in my life. I fell for the lie that I could handle it on my own:

Satan’s main strategy with God’s people has always been to whisper, “Don’t call, don’t ask, don’t depend on God to do great things. You’ll get along just fine if you just rely on your own cleverness and energy.” The truth of the matter is that the devil is not terribly frightened of our human efforts and credentials. But he knows his kingdom will be damaged when we lift up our hearts to God. –Jim Cymbala

Thankfully, in the midst of my pride and foolishness, the Holy Spirit mercifully nudged me with James 5:14, “Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.” So that is what I did.

Let them pray . . . I did, and so did many others
I shared my need with my church, my family and my friends and they all prayed for me . . . and they kept praying for me. I’m so glad they did. My medical diagnosis was a rare condition (found in only five out of every one-million people) and it was unknown territory for the local doctors and medical specialists that were caring for me. Over the months following my diagnosis I had three major procedures to address the problem and all three failed. Then came the frustration, the anger, the medical bills, the questions and the doubt. All the while, people were praying—they were calling upon the Lord on my behalf.

Is anyone happy? . . . I am
People were praying and God was working . . . in my circumstances and in my heart. He had saved me from my sins forty years earlier and in my distress and struggle he saved me again—from myself. I was barely hanging on. Yet in the midst of my struggle, He made a way. I was sinking in despair, and He lifted me up. In my weakness, He gave me strength.  And when it seemed that all hope was gone, by God's grace and help, I found myself at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

After two trips to Minnesota and seemingly endless tests, needle pokes, scans, and a failed experimental procedure, I was scheduled for pancreatic surgery. All the while, my church, my friends and my family were continuing to call out to Jesus on my behalf. Thankfully, they kept praying.

Let them sing songs of praise . . . I will
In January, Dina and I made our third trip to Minnesota and I had pancreatic surgery. The doctor was able to remove the problem and I was physically healed! God made a way—He used the surgeon, the doctors and the hospital—and my health was restored. I am so thankful to the Lord for His help and healing. Every good gift comes from the Father above.

Here I am, free of the sickness and the struggle that plagued me a year ago—but it is bigger than that. True freedom began when I surrendered my all to Jesus and trusted the Lord with every step of the journey. I was in trouble and I obeyed God’s Word—I prayed and asked others to pray with me—and God helped.

A year ago . . . I was in trouble. But now I'm happy. Jesus has been so good and faithful to me. In the midst of my struggle He showed His hand at every point in my life, and I am thankful to say that through the challenging ordeal God gave me His peace, and my faith in Him has grown deeper and stronger. It was a test, but now I have a testimony. Along with the psalmist I can truly say, “In my distress, He has enlarged me,” (Ps. 4:1, KJV).

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.

Please take five minutes and check out the video below. It is a worship song that perfectly expresses my heart unto God. He is due Every Praise!

I am currently making my way through the book of Leviticus. The rules, the details, the ornamentation, the sacrifices, the blood, the altar, the hyper focus on purity, and the seemingly meticulous minutiae, . . . wow. I don't begin to understand much of it, nor do I find it engaging reading. But through it all, I am getting a glimpse of the One upon whom it is all focused—the "Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne," (Rev. 5:6). 

The One is Jesus, the friend of sinners and the only one worthy to receive all power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!"

I was up early this morning, clicking through YouTube, listening to songs of praise and worshiping the Lord, and I came upon the live version of "Psalm 34" by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. I have twice had the privilege to worship at the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York City and . . . wow, what a blessing! The choir was amazing and the presence of the Lord was palpable.

This video of the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir includes so many aspects of worship: scripture, sincerity, praise, joy, singing, prayer, reverence, freedom, abandon, tears and adoration. At the end it is beautiful and powerful to watch as the worshipers, awash in the presence of the Lord, lift their praise to Jesus, like incense arising from the altar,

. . . much like in Leviticus. 

This moment contains all moments.

     ―C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

The other day I taught my final Senior Seminar class of the semester. With the end of the school year in sight it is interesting to hear college students say things like, “I can’t believe that my student teaching experience is almost over,” or “I can’t believe that I am graduating in just a few days. It went so fast." 

It went so fast? Really?

Student teaching generally comes at the end of an Education Major’s college experience and is sixteen grueling weeks of early mornings and late nights, scores of assignments and hundreds of lesson plans. It is the culmination of the four-year experience that is known as college.

Four years . . . and it went so fast?

Completing student teaching and graduating from college are significant occasions in life, hurdles to clear and milestones to achieve. They represent those challenges in life that exist as big, scary, anxiety-laden question marks, that in the moment, we just want to “get through” or “be done with.”

But then suddenly, much to our surprise, they are . . . done.

When the goal is achieved and the challenge is behind us, we are left with the experience, the fun, the friendships, the memories—and the sense that it all went so fast.

It is times like these that resonate with the psalmist’s ominous words, “Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!” (Ps. 39:5, ESV)

A mere breath? Is there really such a thing? A breath is a small, brief and passing event, but oh so important.

Google says that the average person takes 24,000 breaths per day.  That is a lot of breaths, surely more than enough, you would think. But try holding your breath for a minute and you soon realize that every breath counts.

Breaths happen quickly, numerously and without notice. But the brief second that a breath takes does not lessen its value or importance.

Much like breaths in the midst of breathing, the moments of life, albeit meaningful, slip away subtly, silently and unnoticed. Our adventures, struggles, experiences, emotions and relationships are nuanced through things like perspective and hindsight and then meld and morph into a nostalgic longing we refer to as, “the good old days.”

It's ironic, but even the young long for the good old days. Andy, from The Office, says it well,

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

Regardless of whether it happened last month, last year, or a decade ago—as we reflect back on those good old days, we find ourselves saying of life, “It went so fast.”

It is here that we experience a mix of melancholy and regret—a feeling that something significant happened and yet, we missed it.

But we didn’t miss it, we lived it. Or did we?

This quandary leads me to the prayer of Moses in Psalm 90. In vs. 10 he reflects back on his life and says,

The length of our days is seventy years—

or eighty, if we have the strength;

yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,

for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

His words are startling. Moses spent forty years shepherding goats in anonymity and then another forty years wandering the desert with God’s people. Over his 120 year life span, he was a prince, a leader, a prophet and a deliverer. He was married, had children and grandchildren, took a stand against evil, stood on Holy ground, and walked and talked with God.

Moses lived a long, full and storied life, and yet we find him looking back with a sigh saying, “Wow, it went so fast.”

If he felt that way, what hope do we have?

Two verses later (vs. 12), we find in Moses’ prayer the answer to this dilemma,

Teach us to number our days aright,

that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

What does it mean to “gain a heart of wisdom”?

Wisdom comes from God. It is the good, helpful, guiding, life-giving way to act, think and live. It is God’s mind and the Holy Spirit’s prompting in our being and doing. It’s the way to live well, appreciate what matters most and take nothing for granted—not even a single breath.

Maybe gaining a “heart of wisdom” is liken to knowing you are in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.

So how do we gain this heart of wisdom?

Moses prays, “Teach us to number our days aright”.

To “number our days” is to recognize the immense value in the current moment. Upon this writing, the calendar tells me that today’s date is Wednesday, May 2, 2018. This date on the calendar is so much more than a number. There has never been a May 2, 2018, and there never will be again. Yesterday (the past) is gone and there is no guarantee of tomorrow (the future).  Today (the present) is all each of us have, and another word for present, is gift.

Each day is a gift.

God holds the gift of a day in high esteem. So much so that He initiates each one with hope, forgiveness and love. His mercies are new every morning and are as breathtaking and life-giving as a sunrise.

God gives us sustenance for each day’s journey. He feeds our body and soul with “daily” bread—with Jesus, who is our “hidden manna” (Rev. 2:17). And as we journey, God goes with us. On the path of life, we are to rely upon God and the Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in us, as we live every minute of the day.

David Roper says, “Time flies and so do we.” This is a hard truth that should cause us to live mindfully and carefully.

To “number our days aright” is to live them well and with purpose, and that begins with loving God and loving those around us. When we do this we can savor those moments, relationships and experiences that fly by so quickly.

Days and breaths are too numerous to count, but both are so important. Don't wish them away or waste them. Number them aright, not by counting them, but rather, by making them count.

For you can be sure that the day, the event, the challenge, the goal, the dream, and even the four-year college experience, will be over and done with before you know it, and you will find yourself saying,

“I can’t believe that I am graduating in just a few days. It went so fast.”

I just spent the week of Christmas at Disneyland with my wife and my two daughters.  The magic of the place combined with the lights, decorations and songs of Christmas made for a heartwarming and unforgettable experience.

The big crowds, long lines and splash of rain that we encountered at the park served as a mere backdrop to the glittering fun, laughter, smiles and love that we shared together.

Disneyland is a place of light—exciting the rides, adorning the shops, sparkling the castle and glowing on the faces of children and adults alike.

Even the helium filled balloons sold on the street corners of Downtown Disney radiate with light. For a price, you can hold the string and add to the dazzle—at least for a little while.

Unfortunately, just as sparks fly upward, so do amusement park balloons.

“Time flies,” and our moments together in that magical place were over before we knew it.  In the midst of the delight and the fun, the days slipped from our grasp and the vacation was gone—ascending out of reach like a balloon on a string.

My heart aches as that lighted balloon continues to glide up, up, and away. 

But it is not entirely out of sight. Its steady flicker fills and illumines my heart, and in my mind and memory I can see and hear that balloon bobbing and dancing to the hopeful music of Christmas.

"It is impossible to read too much, but always keep before you why you read.  Remember that 'the need to receive, recognize, and rely on the Holy Spirit' is before all else."  

      -Oswald Chambers, Approved Unto God

 On the front wall of every elementary classroom I ever taught in I posted the slogan, "Readers are Leaders."  For seven years of my life I enjoyed the immense privilege of working as a teacher of elementary school students.  Reading was a high priority in my classroom.  I did everything I could to encourage my students to read.  I read books aloud to them, I talked with them about books that I was reading, I celebrated the books they were reading... I modeled for them a love of reading.  (It was easy, because I love to read.)  I told my students that if they ever had a spare moment in the classroom I wanted them to do one of three things--they could either (1) Read, (2) Read, or (3) Read.  (Fourth graders love this kind of stuff.)  I believed that reading would make my students better readers, better writers, better communicators and ultimately, influential people (leaders).

As a Christ follower, reading plays an important role in my spiritual formation and growth.  I love reading the Bible, books about the Bible and books about God's presence and work in and through the lives of people around the world.  My reading habit goes beyond the "religious" genre.  I read poetry, fiction, memoir, history, philosophy, biography and sometimes (but not often enough) I even read the directions.  As a Christian, I read so I can grow in Lord and so I can help others along the way in their spiritual journey with Jesus. 

Reading is a good thing and it is important, but Oswald Chambers reminds me that for a Christ follower there is something more important--the Holy Spirit.  Reading feeds the mind, but the Holy Spirit feeds and guides the heart.  The life of the mind, with all of its search for truth, analysis of facts, diverse viewpoints, critical thinking and intellectual creativity is delightful, but is subsidiary to the life of the heart.  Reading, learning and knowing are good (and from God), but "... 'the need to receive, recognize, and rely on the Holy Spirit' is before all else."  I like what Paul says in Ephesians 4:30 regarding the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of a Christian:

"His [God's] Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself." (MSG)  

As a Christian read all you can, but always keep before you the question, "Why do I read?"  Do you read to acquire knowledge?... to gain power?  (It has been said that "knowledge is power.")  Do you read to become more Christlike?  Do you read to gain wisdom?  Do you read with your heart in mind?  The writer in Proverbs 4:23 refers to the heart (not the mind) as the "wellspring of life."

Why do you read?  Do you read to "lead" or to be "led"?  As Christians, I believe that we are called to do both.  In the life of the mind and in the life of the heart we are to rely on the Holy Spirit "before all else," allowing God to make us "fit for Himself."

I still like the slogan, "Readers are Leaders," but thanks to Oswald Chambers I have a new slogan to add to the wall of my classroom and/or office:

"It is impossible to read too much, but always keep before you why you read."